I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
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