That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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