Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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