There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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