She said her name was "party"
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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