just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
