i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
