You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
