oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Im part way to drunk.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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