dude i'm inner monologue high
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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