If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
