I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
