if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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