My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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