i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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