So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
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i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
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One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
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