is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
