We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
