I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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