we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
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