What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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