maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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