Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
