i already hear my dad disowning me
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
