I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
