Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
