Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
