OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
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What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
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I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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