I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
