Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize