We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
