She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize