We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
