Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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