reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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