Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
