I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
