just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
