our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
