He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
