Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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