am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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