i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
