omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
4 words: hood of his car
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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