She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
