This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
