remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Randomize
