this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
