She's JV to your varsity
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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