thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
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Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
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He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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