Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
My dad just said "fuck circus"
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Randomize
