well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.