I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.