So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
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Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
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I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.