I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
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I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
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Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex