Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.