she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
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i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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