Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
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