How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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