oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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