if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
