I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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