No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
