Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
