I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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