i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
