He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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