And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
this hospital has no fireball
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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