My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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