Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
