Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
