at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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