and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
the liver wants what the liver wants
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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