I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
