This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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