It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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