He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
