My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
