i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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