She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
