Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
