i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
