Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
