I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
